A Coffee Date With Myself

Sometimes you gotta treat yourself. I did that recently by going for a coffee at my favorite local Costa. I don't drink coffee regularly, maybe 1-3 times a month. Mainly because it makes me sleepy. At least most of the time. I still haven't figured out how caffeine really affects me. What I know for sure, is that cappuccino does make me feel sleepy and generally calmer. It silences that inexhaustible voice that always pushes my mind to be hyper aware and always at 100% capacity.

It feels like putting a car (your brain) in the sixth gear and revving the engine until you reach maximum RPM and one of the pistons finally flies through the hood (burnout). Tons of power with no outlet to channel this potential into.

Something like a Red Bull, on the other hand, allows me to temporarily control this stream of power with surgical precision for a limited duration of time. Unfortunately, at the painful cost of dropping below my dopamine baseline for a few hours afterward. Sure, I could just drink another one, but that's just a deal with the devil I'm not willing to do unless absolutely necessary. Another way to prevent this would be consuming something with fructose sugar. The immediate sugar spike in my bloodstream combats this side effect very well. But then again, this is also very temporary. I would have to keep consuming something sugary for at least an hour to mitigate the drop in my mood and mental wellbeing.

Back to the "coffee date". It felt a little awkward getting a coffee by myself, for myself. I have done this many times before, but it still feels a little weird. I don't know why... Likely it's just the spotlight effect. Even though the coffee shop was pretty much empty, I still felt awkward and like people were watching my every move. I placed my order, took my buzzer (a little buzzing and blinking device that notifies you of your order being ready) picked a cozy four-seat table, emptied my pockets, and waited.

As I was waiting, I got an idea. Well, many ideas, actually. One of them being writing about this experience. To convey to other people that going out to places alone doesn't have to feel weird. Remember, people don't care about you as much as you might think. For the good or for the bad, it's a fact. Just think about it. How much attention do you pay to people around you? Do you meticulously scan their hairstyles, their outfits, or their overall appearance? You don't. Yes, some people naturally stick out from the crowd, but how many of them can you actually recall in great detail? Can you remember any? And this goes the other way too. People are busy in their own little worlds full of just-as-real problems you're facing in your day-to-day life.

So next time you find yourself hesitating to go out alone, just remember: nobody’s really watching. Most people are too busy living their own story. Might as well live yours, even if it’s just one quiet coffee at a time.